when i get misgendered or deadnamed i sometimes bring it up later.
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when i get misgendered or deadnamed i sometimes bring it up later. i prefer doing that by text.
i rarely correct anyone in the moment though. confrontation is extremely stressful for me so my instinctual response is to pretend like it didn't happen. i am very convincing when i do that. it's a leftover from being bullied.
but here's something that others can't see: every time i pretend like it didn't happen, my care for that person is eroded somewhat. i don't know how that progresses exactly, but like, maybe after two or three hundred times i'll stop caring even for birth family members?
i don't know if other trans people are like this or if i'm unique, but either way, i really do find myself significantly less and less attached to people who never learn. i've already started choosing to stay at home alone instead of visiting my mom's. and i hate being alone
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when i get misgendered or deadnamed i sometimes bring it up later. i prefer doing that by text.
i rarely correct anyone in the moment though. confrontation is extremely stressful for me so my instinctual response is to pretend like it didn't happen. i am very convincing when i do that. it's a leftover from being bullied.
but here's something that others can't see: every time i pretend like it didn't happen, my care for that person is eroded somewhat. i don't know how that progresses exactly, but like, maybe after two or three hundred times i'll stop caring even for birth family members?
i don't know if other trans people are like this or if i'm unique, but either way, i really do find myself significantly less and less attached to people who never learn. i've already started choosing to stay at home alone instead of visiting my mom's. and i hate being alone
As a cis person however I've been told that I've misgendered someone (if they are cis or not) I'm really embarrassed, alarmed and worried about not doing it again. For this reason I can remember the FIVE times it's happened in my life with photographic clarity. Because it's a big deal. I don't want to be an asshole.
Even before I knew much about trans people I felt this way. It's just rude.
It's normal to feel uneasy about someone who is rude.
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As a cis person however I've been told that I've misgendered someone (if they are cis or not) I'm really embarrassed, alarmed and worried about not doing it again. For this reason I can remember the FIVE times it's happened in my life with photographic clarity. Because it's a big deal. I don't want to be an asshole.
Even before I knew much about trans people I felt this way. It's just rude.
It's normal to feel uneasy about someone who is rude.
I have also been misgendered a few times in my life. Mostly when I was younger by white girls who were trying to be mean to me. It was really hurtful.
I also remember that.
The only case where there might be confusion is if there were someone who just didn't see how it's rude even if it's done to them? That could be possible I guess. But part of getting along with others is just learning what people care about.
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I have also been misgendered a few times in my life. Mostly when I was younger by white girls who were trying to be mean to me. It was really hurtful.
I also remember that.
The only case where there might be confusion is if there were someone who just didn't see how it's rude even if it's done to them? That could be possible I guess. But part of getting along with others is just learning what people care about.
For example. I used to not remember names well. I never really cared if someone remembered my name or not. This isn't typical. Most people care a lot about this.
When I started making an effort to remember everyone's name suddenly everyone thought I was so personable and polite.
I guess I'm saying it's normal and good to feel hurt by that kind of thing. Not that you need my permission, but that is what I think.
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As a cis person however I've been told that I've misgendered someone (if they are cis or not) I'm really embarrassed, alarmed and worried about not doing it again. For this reason I can remember the FIVE times it's happened in my life with photographic clarity. Because it's a big deal. I don't want to be an asshole.
Even before I knew much about trans people I felt this way. It's just rude.
It's normal to feel uneasy about someone who is rude.
I guess I'll also add that there are people I care for even though they are rude in some way because I know they aren't doing it on purpose and I just know them very well. Like a friend who just never calls me for five weeks for no reason. I know why she does that and it's not about me.
Maybe if I had an older relative who was forgetful this could apply. But that is a very personal thing? If someone knows something hurts they should care.
