He also nearly named Celeborn _Teleporno_, which would have been ~~awful~~ amazing.

I am Beefcake McIronribs, son of Beefcake McSteelribs

You killed my father

It keeps blowing my mind when I learn that other languages haven't obfuscated the meanings of names behind two thousand years of linguistic divergence. Your name almost certainly means something basic too, you just don't remember what it is.

Close. It means elf with a stick.

His actual name would likely take a month or longer to say.

Family who are very proud of their feet: Proudfeet

Wand-elf?

That's a possible translation but most people go with staff/stick for obvious reasons

it's the translation of Fangorn, which is the name the elves gave him.

even in english, it's a somewhat mixed bag. names like Grace, Hope, Faith are still accessible to modern people.

Yep. Some common names: Steve ← Steven ← Stephanus ← στέφανος = crown (or wealth) Linda ← -linde = tender, soft James ← Iacomus ← Iacobus ← Ἰάκωβος ← Ἰακώβ ← יַעֲקֹב = heel, footprint / follow, watch, observe Karen ← Catherine ← Αἰκατερίνη ← Ἑκάτη = one who works from far away (referring to a goddess)

And "Tiffany" may sound like a very 20th-century American name, but it actually dates back to the early 13th century and is based on a Greek word that's even older. The "Tiffany Problem" is a really interesting phenomenon in the anthropological/perceptual space based on that. Tiffany ← Tifinie ← Θεοφάνεια = "God's arrival/appearance" It's also more closely related to the name "Natalie" than you might think, at least etymologically. Natalie ←Natalia ←natale domini = "birth of the Lord" (Latin)

Not "nearly." That's actually his name in the "pretranslated" language that the book was "originally" written in, within the fiction.

I knew about Tiffany because of that CGP Grey video, but Natalie is interesting too!

Really, your headcanon has some precedence in the books. If Wormtongue had written the history, he literally would've called Gandalf "bad news." And in fact, Saruman's actual name was Curumo. ...uh, or Curunir. Or Sharkey, or Tarindor, or... I mean, part of the problem is that every person (and place, and country, and river...) has like a half dozen names depending on who's talking and what time or place they're in. Gandalf himself is Greyhame, Gandalf, Stormcrow, and Lathspell *in Rohan alone*; and Mithrandir, Olorin, Incanus, and Tharkun to other people in Middle Earth. Aragorn and Strider and Elessar and Estel and Wingfoot and Longshanks are the same person in different contexts. Galadriel is also Alatariel and Artanis and Nerwen. Legolas is Laicolasse and Greenleaf (all three of which, in fairness, mean the same thing in different languages). And that's before we even talk about what their names "really" were in the "original" Red Book of Westmarch, before Tolkien "translated" them to English. The "actual" sound that came out of Bilbo's mouth when he introduced himself was *Bilba Labingi,* but Tolkien decided that the name *Labingi* "actually" would've sounded like the word for bag or sack to the "original hearers." Likewise Frodo's name is "translated" from *Maura Labingi* and Sam "actually" introduced himself as *Banazir Galpsi.*

Overt bad guy: Sauron Secret bad guy: Saurumon

The um signifies the hesitation

I mean, there's people called Hunter...

Sure... but Tolkien could tell you Treebeard's name in hall a dozen languages he'd made up for his setting, including full etymologies.