Thinking about how my mom is very similar to me.
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Thinking about how my mom is very similar to me. She doesn't like socializing, finds it exhausting. But also she thinks that this is just a flaw in her personality and buries it. Her expectation that I do the same has been the source of many of our falling outs.
"How can you just say you wouldn't always enjoy seeing your FAMILY?"
We've learned things from each other now that we are both adults. But, I do wonder to what extent her relentless social schedule & checklists are just... duty.
I *did* manage to get her to stop giving me birthday gifts. But, she still sends a card. And I always call because the card is for her. I do not get it, I will never get it but it makes her happy. That's enough.
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I *did* manage to get her to stop giving me birthday gifts. But, she still sends a card. And I always call because the card is for her. I do not get it, I will never get it but it makes her happy. That's enough.
"Of course no one likes going to social events. But, you still have to go."
1. I think, maybe, mom, some people do like it? Everyone there can't be as miserable as we are. And if they are let's cancel it and have a group chat or something instead.
2. Yeah sometimes you "have to" go, but if the only reason is because YOU care about it and you hate it too literally what are we even doing? Let's stay home! (If it will make Uncle Willis and Great Aunt Martha happy? eh...that's another matter.)
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"Of course no one likes going to social events. But, you still have to go."
1. I think, maybe, mom, some people do like it? Everyone there can't be as miserable as we are. And if they are let's cancel it and have a group chat or something instead.
2. Yeah sometimes you "have to" go, but if the only reason is because YOU care about it and you hate it too literally what are we even doing? Let's stay home! (If it will make Uncle Willis and Great Aunt Martha happy? eh...that's another matter.)
Have you tried "you don't hate social events, you hate capitalism" ?
(or, here, bourgeois culture, to be more precise) -
Have you tried "you don't hate social events, you hate capitalism" ?
(or, here, bourgeois culture, to be more precise)She has no problem saying she doesn't like capitalism. We are on the same page there.
She's uncomfortable with the idea of an introverted person not being ashamed and apologetic about their "deficiency."
Whereas I recognize that I need to work a bit harder to navigate social situations. But, don't think that means there's anything wrong with me.
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"Of course no one likes going to social events. But, you still have to go."
1. I think, maybe, mom, some people do like it? Everyone there can't be as miserable as we are. And if they are let's cancel it and have a group chat or something instead.
2. Yeah sometimes you "have to" go, but if the only reason is because YOU care about it and you hate it too literally what are we even doing? Let's stay home! (If it will make Uncle Willis and Great Aunt Martha happy? eh...that's another matter.)
@futurebird ohhhhh no a lot of people absolutely LOVE social stuff, it depends on the context though. My mom tends to do social events for like, social capital reasons, she likes to be a pillar of the community, she likes people to tell her that's what she is. So she specifically likes social events a lot of people *do not* like, and would force us into a lot of stuff because she would "look bad" if we weren't there. But lots of people just genuinely enjoy it, for its own sake.
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F myrmepropagandist shared this topic
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@futurebird ohhhhh no a lot of people absolutely LOVE social stuff, it depends on the context though. My mom tends to do social events for like, social capital reasons, she likes to be a pillar of the community, she likes people to tell her that's what she is. So she specifically likes social events a lot of people *do not* like, and would force us into a lot of stuff because she would "look bad" if we weren't there. But lots of people just genuinely enjoy it, for its own sake.
@futurebird I'll never understand either thing? I did like going out with a very few friends once in awhile (maybe 2? Maybe twice a year?) But this was never an obligatory thing. If there's something I "have to" go to, I automatically don't want to.
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@futurebird I'll never understand either thing? I did like going out with a very few friends once in awhile (maybe 2? Maybe twice a year?) But this was never an obligatory thing. If there's something I "have to" go to, I automatically don't want to.
A couple decades ago an uncle of mine was sick. Mom insisted I come visit and go to this flower garden thing with him and a bunch of other people.
It literally seemed to help him to get better? He was talking about it for months, how "good it was to see everyone together." (a social event has never had that kind of effect on me ever) but that convinced me at the late age of 20-something that I could drag my bones out to whatever if it meant so damn much to anyone.
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@futurebird ohhhhh no a lot of people absolutely LOVE social stuff, it depends on the context though. My mom tends to do social events for like, social capital reasons, she likes to be a pillar of the community, she likes people to tell her that's what she is. So she specifically likes social events a lot of people *do not* like, and would force us into a lot of stuff because she would "look bad" if we weren't there. But lots of people just genuinely enjoy it, for its own sake.
Imagine a parallel world where the need to have in-person social interactions was pathologized and disparaged the way that introverts are?
"oh yes, he has Social Desperation, he can't function well unless he sees people in person often. therapy helps but, we should also be considerate and go see him."
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Imagine a parallel world where the need to have in-person social interactions was pathologized and disparaged the way that introverts are?
"oh yes, he has Social Desperation, he can't function well unless he sees people in person often. therapy helps but, we should also be considerate and go see him."
@futurebird @secretsloth As the token extrovert in many of my groups it *does* feel like this sometimes
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@futurebird @secretsloth As the token extrovert in many of my groups it *does* feel like this sometimes
Oh dear... I think we do this to the extroverted on in our mostly introvert friend group.
And when we introduce her to new introverts we're like "she's just a little extroverted, be patient she's cool."
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Imagine a parallel world where the need to have in-person social interactions was pathologized and disparaged the way that introverts are?
"oh yes, he has Social Desperation, he can't function well unless he sees people in person often. therapy helps but, we should also be considerate and go see him."
