I got a DM to let me play a 3.5e ninja but lie to the party and tell them I was a bard.

The peasant farmer I’ve played as an halfling artificer with halfling luck. They haven’t improved much, aside from rolling with the punches a bit better. In fact, they don’t have any clue what their equipment is or how it works. Things just kept *happening* for him and the party refused to let him leave. The running joke was that he’s lucky enough to stumble into unfathomable power, but not lucky enough to find the mundane life of peace they’re looking for.

Anyone who's had a player who's "an [X] trying to convince the party they're a [Y]" is probably having PTSD flashbacks now. It sounds funny to read about but in my experience players who commit to constantly gaslighting fictional characters are not team playera and always willing to spoil the fun of others.

In my party was a hobgoblin convinced he was the most beautiful being on the earth. And he tried convincing everyone to think the same. Was very funny

Depending on peasants’ lifespans in this world, the peasant with the midlife crisis could be just out of their teens

Oh hey I sort of unintentionally did the monk one! He was raised in a villain's cult that was was taken down by a party of adventurers. Since he was raised in it he fully believed in the cult's teachings until the shock of that day, and since then he had been trying to make up for it. I didn't use the religious aspect, but he had the aesthetic and the repentance, and also the party's druid had taken him on as an apprentice beer brewer so he even had that European monastic tradition down too

Had a game where the DM and his bestie homebrewed [Roy Mustang](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roy_Mustang). The PC was insufferable and overpowered by level 3… shooting fireballs that consumed the entire room in a single attack. The party, and the group, broke up because they were mad the rest of us didn’t want to live in their power fantasy world

Ya it can be a fun concept for like a one-shot but after that, the joke gets stale.

I would love to see the werewolf play the pompous know-it-all: "Um, actually the idea that the moon causes the change is a superstition. It's a body cycle that often coincidentally matches up with the full moon. People just remember the times during the full moon because of confirmation bias."

I don't get it. Obviously hobgoblins don't think hobgoblins are ugly.

Only one that's terrible is the washboard bard, but that's just my personal dislike of the horny bard trope

That sounds very cute! I'm thinking of the players who seem to need secret knowledge over the other players. I was in a game with a secret were-rat who was constantly passing notes to the gm and then you'd wake up missing items or finding NPCs you liked dead and the _player_ would deny having anything to do with it. We all saw you pass a note. A friend of mine once intentionally derailed a pug game by playing a priest of torm who was convinced that torm was black, to piss off the gm and the paladin of torm who were super racist. We probably shouldve just left the game, but we were asshole teens.

Heard one on the weekend - a party of warlocks who are all each other's patrons through the power of friendship.

I want this as a Dimension 20 series so bad.

Yo why this post out here hating on my boi 035?

Ok, this gives me a great idea - a warlock whose patron is his own mlm scheme, he has to sell his shitty “get magic quick” scheme to lots of people to power up. “Just dedicate and focus your energies to the collective and you too can gain godlike powers, share it with your friends and loved ones. Join now and you’ll be empowered in no time. Empower 4 others and you’ll get candle lighting privileges! Reach archeon tier like me and you’ll be throwing fireballs, just 7 short tiers to work through, what better use for your time?”

Unless you're in the middle of a major plague or have a ridiculous amount of war, peasants in a medieval-style world who survive young childhood should generally get to an age of about 60. Though getting old with medieval-level medicine while working a physically demanding job probably sucks hard.

Nah. More like early thirties. Average life expectancy in the dark ages was 30 or something, but that's just because most people died very young, mostly as babies. If you managed to grow up at all, you could reach your 50s or 60s.

One in eight Commoners has 1 hp. I doubt they'd even make it to their teens.

What's missing is the Mud Wizard of Lützerath