I can multiclass the shit out of this.

yeah i hit all of these except two

Shame if allies don't count. It would sound fun beating enemis with a rainbow sword and the power of gay by my side

Best of luck to you, he could always take a knee and cede the duel I guess, other wise you're still in line for that Sorcerer class.

Only if you're *really* committed. And you have to take a unicorn for your mount/companion who keeps getting distracted by dating every couple the party comes across.

Sorceror it is!

Steal the DMs dice while the guy who wants to be a fighter kicks his ass.

If I'm a medical student (soon to be physician), am I really just stuck with Wizard? I do a lot of emergency medicine stuff and CPR is straight up necromancy, but I don't recall necromancer being a class. (it has been a hot minute since I've gotten to play D&D)

I'm so curious which two.

Would not eating meat count for Druid?

that would be telling, wouldn't it

Old Party DM: "God damnit, everyone's just playing wizards. We need to mix it up!" New Party DM: "FUCK!"

YMMV. 

Stupid DM has eyes in the back of his head.

As a software dev with no college degree, it feels weird to not fit into the wizard category because of a technicality. >.>

Also buns of aluminium. It's a known problem

If you get a corporate job, you can be a code warlock!

Guess I'm just playing as Random Villager #12. ‍

No. you're Crewman #6.

I love how 1E this idea feels.